((i have no idea whats going on)) .:towelie:.'s Journal

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(confuse me)

[19 Jun 2007|01:44am]
i'm going to just see where everything takes me for a bit
no more not doing things because im unsure about them
or overthinking things for the billionth time
it might be nice to change things up
who knows...maybe someone will suprise me

(9 confusions | confuse me)

so about this... [06 Jun 2007|11:26pm]
I've been home for about a month now and every time i come home i realize how happy i am to leave it. I tell people i dont want to be home because i miss my friends etc. and given, i do miss them to an extent, but it's more that i miss really getting to be alone. Im lonely whether or not i'm with people now and its the strangest feeling. Friends are the worst, mainly because anyone who i call a friend would be greatly offended by this when it's not an attack on them (how they would take it) but just me trying to get out how i feel. Everyone says they can be the most like themselves when they're with their friends but i think it's really when you put on the biggest show not because you're afraid of what they'll think of you but because you're afraid to hurt them.

what am i even doing
no one really cares what i write here...and im not saying it to complain...im just saying it because its the truth....
people are so afraid of that nowadays...the truth....who ever thought that something like that could be so scary

i could go on and on here about love and maybe a handful of people would see it and read it...but who would it really matter to besides me?
i could talk about my opinions about Iraq...but still...besides me...who truly gives a fuck what i think about it

really...anything i write in here is more for me than anything else

im alice in wonderland...
watch me fall

(confuse me)

[24 Nov 2006|04:29pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

so, its been awhile
ive started college
its pretty much the same as High School
just different people and a new place
i dont feel like ive changed profoundly
because i havent
it's nice to be on my own tho
i like that
and there are some really cool people that im glad to have met
thanks for being cool people

there are no words

(1 confusion | confuse me)

[06 Mar 2006|07:26pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

so want to know something kinda funny

when i was sending out applications to colleges i sent applications to like 5 or 6 colleges. After i had sent them to a couple i realized that i didnt really want to go there so i didn't send them a writing sample or application fee.

today i got an e-mail from sacred heart university, one of those colleges that i decided wasn't for me...it told me i had been accepted to their college...
im just kind of wondering how that happened. i mean i didnt send them anything except my basic information. is their process of selecting students somewhat like picking names out of a hat or is it EXACTLY like picking names out of a hat? just wondering. not that im upset or anything cuz im not at all...
i just got a good laugh out of it and thought others might get one as well.

um... life's lookin large...school is so close to being over....INDEPENDENCE SHALL FINALLY BE MINE!!! :)
but not really

yeah...see ya...

(1 confusion | confuse me)

[27 Feb 2006|11:30am]
[ mood | frustrated ]

i got my prom dress over vacation...
its pretty
but when i describe it...it sounds ugly...so i wont...
but trust me...its cute...
i had an interesting vacation to say the least...but it was good...and i refused to go to school today because i just didnt feel like it
i honestly could not force myself to get into the car and drive myself to that horrible place

being in that place is like being poked all day long by someone...its annoying and the more you complain the more the person enjoys poking you and then you just want to like i dunno hit them...but then you realize they're younger so you can't hit them without getting in trouble and it just sucks

i have to go back tomorrow

for now...i think i'll just rearrange my room and figure out if i had any homework

see ya...

(4 confusions | confuse me)

[21 Feb 2006|08:50am]
woah i haven't wrote in this journal for along time..

(2 confusions | confuse me)

[29 May 2005|01:55am]
[ mood | tired ]

im not good at keeping journals...

ive come to realize this....

oh what ever shall i do


i love the rain...its wicked awesome...
my favorite weather consists of; sunshowers, thunderstorms, and rainstorms that occur in the summer

i cant wait for the summer
all those lucky seniors get to be out already....ya...RAR to you all...thats right i said it...RAR

(2 confusions | confuse me)

[23 Apr 2005|04:00pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

hi everyone
just updating

not much been happening

softball thing last night
we're now 2-4 and we lost to canton...
just shameful

newayz...im goin to be going

(5 confusions | confuse me)

if it weren't for my horse, i wouldn't have spent that year in college.... [27 Mar 2005|07:09pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

can it just be summer time so i can go and frolic and play and not worry about stupid school...i think im goin to go nuts if there's much more of this!!

i want to go to the zoo

(2 confusions | confuse me)

oh what a day for a daydream.. [24 Mar 2005|12:19pm]
[ mood | curious ]

i was just taking my AP Chem test when ppl in the halls start screaming and yelling..our class goes to check it out...turns out there was a fight? mrs. lambert had to go watch another class and i heard that jess malone got knocked out? too many stupid fights...
but at least my class is getting an extra 20 minutes to finish our test because we got distracted..

i cant wait til i actually get to play a softball game...i'm so bored already of getting ready for games with practices...i mean i've been getting ready for softball season since..well..i havent stopped playing...but lately its been only practices and clinics and cage time...no REAL games..at least those will be coming soon

i think i have a pre-calc test next...maybe ill go finish studying for that...

(5 confusions | confuse me)

[16 Mar 2005|07:23pm]
[ mood | good ]

well i wish sitting waiting wishing
you believed in superstitions
then maybe you'd see the signs
lord knows that this world is cruel
i aint the lord im just a fool
loving somebody dont make them love you
must i always be waiting, waiting on you
must i always be playing, playing your fool

i sang a song i danced a dance
i gave your friends all a chance
but putting up with them wasnt worth ever having you
maybe you've been through this before
but its my first time
so please ignore these next few lines
cuz they're directed at you

yay for spirit week...
sry...too tired to really update..
so i decided that lyrics would be a good substitute

(22 confusions | confuse me)

[13 Mar 2005|11:41pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

k so...

my mom decided to have a loverly lil chat with me cuz she talked to jeff's dad

she told me how his dad thought i lied to him and all that other stuff...but then she said something about how i should go over there more because of blah blah blah. but i got upset at this cuz his parents hate me...and i can tell...i dont tend to like to go places where ppl hate me...its not one of my fave activities...i mean honestly, why would i go somewhere where the ppl hate me, then she told me that it wasnt me that they hated, it was the idea of me. wtf? next she goes into how i should try to include his parents more, like i include my sister, because im being a time usurper or something like that. i am NOT a time usurper. and ps that would be weird. then my sister pipes in...."but mom kelsey wants a relationship with jeff, not his parents" i love the midge for saying that :) but of course my mom comes back with well maybe she should try to work on her relationship with his parents...k..at that point...i just tuned her out...ew...can u say "fucked up"

and ya, i know, its not my mom's fault, she was just trying to make things better, but seriously, i dont get why spending time with someone is such big deal, i mean, my parents have never cared if im home or not...with the exception of weeknights but thats my own fault...

maybe im just too used to having no rules...no consequences and no parental supervision

had to vent
i just want to scream really loud and have no one tell me to stop...or go out into the middle of nowhere and just chill for a couple hours...or find someone to vent to

fuck it...i refuse to let myself get wicked mad

and newayz...i saw robots on friday....it was sooo cute i loved it...the robin williams robot was awesome...and it was just altogether awesome :):):):)

ps...the moon...looks RLY cool...its all orange and stuff...i wish i had a camera...id take a picture and show everyone...but alas...i do not know where the camera is..

mmmmm my candle smells good...its wonderful vanilla goodness is cheering me up...im glad i lit that...although it did take like four matches..o well

and ya...
because i dont know..
what is love anyway?
is it an entirely different emotion
or is it just a word to describe the extent of a certain emotion
like needing someone to be there for you

basically, does to say "i love you" imply an entirely different feeling than wanting a person to be around or does it just mean that you need that person to be there for you because they make you feel the happiest

i dont understand the difference if there is one
to me...needing someone and relying on that person equals love

(1 confusion | confuse me)

[10 Mar 2005|10:22pm]
[ mood | tired ]

seeing robots tomorrow....
if anyone wants to come...
let me know

(4 confusions | confuse me)

[02 Mar 2005|09:49pm]
[ mood | amused ]

smile :)

and wow...i love how aparently i cant hang out with ppl...

me: we should hang out sometime...i miss hanging out
tom: no thats illegal
me: o?
tom: you have a boy
me: so...im still allowed to hang out with ppl
tom: but its us
me: ?
tom: name a time when we didn't do something
me: when we first met
tom: i asked you out that day
me: o ya, but still, that doesnt count

i miss hanging out with ppl
i mean just really hanging out...
doing absolutely nothing...but still having and awesome time cuz you're with great ppl and love being around them...
sigh....w/e tho...
you can't always get what you want


(4 confusions | confuse me)

[23 Feb 2005|10:49pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

things i love
full moons
the sound of rain
anything yellow
anything vanilla
playing cranium
comfortable silences
being understood
livingston taylor's voice
knowing that people care
bright lights
being held
true oldies
blue skies
sun showers
having no limits

that magic kiss you stole....took all my heart and soul

(12 confusions | confuse me)

copying AGAIN [07 Feb 2005|12:16pm]
[ mood | blank ]

mainly because there are things you will always remember..
certain moments that cant be forgotten..
and of course
people you'll never forget

1. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
2. I will then tell you what song reminds me of you.
3. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
4. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. Put this in your journal.

its always weird when you think about the one thing that reminds you of people. if i try to think of a person...i never see the whole person, i always end up getting a picture in my mind of just one distinct feature that i like best about them.like sarah..if i ever try to think of sarah...i think of her laughing....i dunno...im just weird like that i guess...but my brain always forgets what ppl look like

(5 confusions | confuse me)

stealing things from sarah is funnnn :) [03 Feb 2005|08:05pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Read more...Collapse )

(13 confusions | confuse me)

Stolen from Sarahhhh [27 Jan 2005|05:06pm]
Leave me a comment telling me your favorite song(s).

(6 confusions | confuse me)

[26 Jan 2005|07:18pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

1. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
2. I will then tell you what song reminds me of you.
3. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
4. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. Put this in your journal

and ew...
im doing my work

(confuse me)

[23 Jan 2005|09:25pm]
[ mood | just guess... ]

i dont know why...
but right now...
is perfect

i love when everything just seems to fit into place and deep down, i know that everything is just going to work out, and even better, thats how ive been feeling lately.
i cant even explain it
im just..
really happy

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